Detroit….We’ve Had A Problem

I know you’re used to seeing that phrase when it comes to all things Houston.  But today, I say that with Detroit in mind.

While the Lions are not stranded  in space trying to figure out how to use the moon to propel them back to earth, they are rather close.

Right now, we are at the point in the movie where Apollo 13 has taken off (They had a decent off season, pretty good draft), and all things are going well (Didn’t look horrible in the preseason, resigned DeAndre Levy, Ameer Abdullah gets a great start with an awesome TD run, they go up 21-3 on San Diego, on the road no less), then all of a sudden…..*BOOM*.  Something explodes. Just like in the movie, from my vantage point, I can’t tell really what’s wrong, but I’m going to try to trouble shoot from my observations, and with the skill (read: observations) of my  “NASA” Team of beat writers, other bloggers, etc.Apollo

From my vantage point, it’s the lack of a run game. There is a legitimate problem when your leading rusher in your last game was your quarterback.  Especially when you draft an extremely quality running back in the 2nd round of the draft.  Ameer Abdullah has rushed for 59 yards.   His counterpart in San Diego, Melvin Gordon has rushed for 139 yards so far this year.   The Lions AS A TEAM  have rushed for a grand total 107.  My “NASA experts” say, and I agree, is that one of the main problems is the offensive line failing to block for him.   The offensive line is Swiss cheese. Like it’s awful.  In Apollo 13, you remember when the team had to reenter the Earth’s atmosphere at just the right angle, or else they’d burn to a crisp?   Well, the protection that the O-Line is giving to the RBs (and Stafford) is failing, and allowing their run game to get burnt to a crisp, and big hits on their QB.

taken from @LionsMemes

taken from @LionsMemes

All of which is not good.  And while no Lions player has died, it certainly is not making it easy for Stafford to stay healthy.  At this rate, we may be seeing Dan Orlovsky.  If you didn’t think there was a chance to win with Stafford, you REALLY aren’t gonna win with Orlovsky.  No disrespect to Dan-O.  But the schedule this year isn’t the easiest. The Lions are facing a huge defensive battle with the NFC West, and the AFC West. Heck, not even the Raiders isn’t going to be the gimmie win that we all thought they would be.

We then notice that our carbon monoxide levels are starting to get too high. We gotta lower it somehow, and not breathing is not an option.  In other words, you notice that Stafford is not throwing to Calvin Johnson.  And that’s just not goingCalvin to work.  And not throwing to him really isn’t an option.  He is one of the leagues best wide receivers, and amazingly he isn’t being used at all.  And this team will not survive if they don’t start throwing to him.  Plain and simple.  Most feel that it is very conservative play calling from Joe Lombardi.  Others feel Lombardi is trying to spread it out and get other offensive weapons involved.  Kind of like he did in New Orleans.  Well…the Lions aren’t quite the Saints.  But it was nice to see Eric Ebron getting some touches and scoring a couple of touchdowns so far this year.   Regardless of the fact that Ebron is showing some improvement, Joe Lombardi needs to figure out how to fit a square peg in a round hole, and figure out how to get Calvin more involved. Fantasy owners everywhere are depending on him.  Lions fans are too.  Or they may all just stop breathing.  And no one wants that.

Now they also  have to figure out how to get the information from the malfunctioning command module to the Lunar module.  On the Apollo 13 mission, astronaut Jack Swigert was the expert on the command module malfunction procedures, which helped the crew tremendously when transferring to the lunar module.  He also was a former football player.   Now that we see that the Lions are malfunctioning, possibly because Suh Deandreand Fairly are gone.  Possibly as well because DeAndre Levy may have picked up a parasite camping in the jungles of Chile and/or Peru.  Not 100% sure which one.  The parasite may be exaggerating, but Levy has been out of the line up these last two games, and didn’t really play much in the preseason.  So, the defense is malfunctioning.  Shout out to Ziggy Ansah for stepping up and really making some plays on defense.  As of now, the Lions are the 28th ranked defense in the league.  Far cry from where Teryl Austin had this team last year.  Hoping that Austin can take a play or two from Swigert’s playbook, and figure out how to handle this defense, now that it is malfunctioning.


How do the Lions get back to where they once were?  Will they even be able to get back to what the once were?   Ha…Look at me saying what they once were, like they had some real glory years.  I sound like a realistic Cowboy Fan.   Well, if they aren’t careful the Lions will get back to where they once were:   2-14, 5-11, and I don’t even want to think about the unthinkable 0-16.



I just hope somewhere there is a Ken Mattingly working tirelessly to help get this team fixed and back to earth.